Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

I’m a big fan of that quote. As someone who always seems to be perpetually behind, it makes me feel less ashamed about my dysfunction. I mean, look at that choice of words… procrastination is an ART. A specialized skill. A talent that needs to be refined over years of indecisiveness and second-guessing. Not everybody can keep up with yesterday, you guys. Why merely live in the present when you can simultaneously live a little bit of the immediate past, too? Life is so much fuller! Short-range time traveling is where it’s at, trust me.

Good ‘ol Don Marquis has inspired me to redefine some other things:

My room isn’t messy, it’s teeming with creative energy that’s essential to my process as an artist!
This isn’t a headache, it’s an internal cranial massage!
I’m not short, my body just made a conscious decision to be closer to Mother Earth!

The other day I was babysitting my beloved niece, Little Popcorn. At 6 years old, she’s still fuzzy about the concept of age and she has yet to remember how old I am. At the same time, I’ve started telling people that I’m an octogenarian as a joke because people rarely guess how old I am and if I were actually in my 80’s I’d be smokin’ hot for my age.

LITTLE POPCORN: Auntie, how old are you again?
ME: Guess.
ME: Ha! No. Older.
ME: I’m 80.
LITTLE POPCORN: Hey, I said 18 the first time!
ME: No, 80. Eight-Zero.
LITTLE POPCORN: You’re 80??? You should be a mother by now!
ME: Wait- what?
LITTLE POPCORN: (jumping next to the couch) BE A MOTHER! BE A MOTHER!
ME: Well, I mean, maybe someday but right now I-

[If a grown person had told me to have some kids, I would’ve been offended, but I can’t be mad at a child. From her experience, that’s what adults do. Plus, she probably just wants some cousins to play with. I won’t be venturing into the world of motherhood anytime soon, so I used this opportunity to redefine my childlessness for her.]

ME: Ok, first of all… get off the couch before your grandma comes in here and punishes both of us. Second, I like spending any spare time and money that I have on you right now instead of bringing another person into the equation. Isn’t that better?
LITTLE POPCORN: …Yeah, that sounds good to me!

And then we did our special high five and built a Lego ship together.

I can probably eliminate a lot of things that I perceive as negative in my life. All I have to do is redefine them.
– Lew

One thought on “Redefined.

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