Tales from the Crypt

September 9, 2015 was a milestone date for me. It was exactly 11 years from the day that I was assaulted.

When it happened, it nearly destroyed me. For years I was an absolute wreck. My existing predisposition towards depression became a constant cloud of darkness that suffocated me day and night. I didn’t trust the world after that; I developed crippling social anxiety that prevented me from doing the simplest tasks.

Each year, when the anniversary date of the trauma approached I became more and more paralyzed with fear. The flashbacks and nightmares that I suffered from worsened as the date came nearer. I ended up using September 9th to do whatever I felt like doing. If I wanted to go somewhere, eat something or buy something that day, I did it. I told myself that I was celebrating the fact that I was still here, but in reality I was just using any coping mechanism I could to make it through that day.

Eventually after plenty of therapy, healing, living and love from my family and friends, I began to notice that September 9th became less painful each year. Astoundingly, this year it came and went and I barely noticed it. If someone had told me back then, right after the incident happened, that I’d feel this way about it today, I don’t think I would have believed it. Even now it’s hard to understand. Still, I can’t help but feel that in a way I’m a different person now than I was then. I’ve seen and done things that I’d never have imagined possible. I’ve had relationships. I’ve advocated for myself. I’ve owned my truth. I’ve thrived.

I’ve had some difficulties lately and reflecting on how far I’ve come has been energizing. If I can come back from that, what can’t I do? In retrospect, I recognize the strength that it took for me to recover and frankly I’m in awe of it.

The tweet at the top of this blog made me think about all of my old selves. I wondered… if there was a mausoleum containing every layer that I’ve shed to get to the me that I am today, what would that look like? My crypt would be filled with sarcophagi like the insecure mean girl, the broken agoraphobic, and the girl who was afraid to admit what she really wanted. I’m so curious to see who will emerge when I shed this layer that I’m wearing now. If history has shown me anything, she’ll be much stronger and happier than I’ve ever been.

– Lew

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10 thoughts on “Tales from the Crypt

  1. Personal, brave post. Really enjoyed reading this.

    if there was a mausoleum containing every layer that I’ve shed to get to the me that I am today, what would that look like?

    Well put — and in general, I like how you took this tweet and really shaped your own response to it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. This assignment was a great learning experience for me. I was so lost about what to write at first, but when I let my mind wander I realized that every prompt really does offer endless possibilities.

      Like

  2. This is probably one of the most interesting posts I’ve read yet. It is a very specific personal struggle being shown in a very public light… But yet.. adds perspective & specificity to whomever reads it. What a wonderful [brave] way to show internal struggles, and yet it flourishes & becomes this open & supportive conversation piece.
    I couldn’t help but read this opening quote, the luscious content , [one of the 6 quotes I loved] “My crypt would be filled with sarcophagi like the insecure mean girl, the broken agoraphobic, and the girl who was afraid to admit what she really wanted. I’m so curious to see who will emerge when I shed this layer that I’m wearing now.” .. When I read this I immediately saw an opening scene for a movie. Needless to say , you honest bravery , has inspired my next blog post ! Thank you ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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